I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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