dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
