i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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