She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
