put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
