Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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