Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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