I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
