I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
