I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
