I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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