my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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