the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
