some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
