girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
