There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
