sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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