i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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