Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
