So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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