chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
