He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
