I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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