She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
