Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
