we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
