Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
