Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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