He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
