New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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