guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How external is "for external use only"?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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