He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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