EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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