Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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