Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
