it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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