OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
