Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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