why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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