His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
