Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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