I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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