We're facebook friends in real life
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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