Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
