um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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