This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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