My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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