I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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