operation harelip BJ is a go
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
