The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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