remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
