i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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